Regular of mine who I hadn't seen in awhile was sitting at the bar when I came in for a shift change.
I came in the back way and noticed he had crutches leaning against the bar.
Recently in the news someone hadn't had their shotgun properly secured in their truck and it went off...
So I jokingly say, "you're that fucking idiot who blew off his leg arent you?"
The whole bar gets quiet and everyone is mean mugging me.
My regular starts laughing...
Yeah, it was him. I had no idea. I didn't apologize, because as his favorite asshole bartender those comments were expected of me.
Poor guy was only 20 couple and blew his leg off close to the hip. No idea how he survived.
The first restaurant/bar i worked in I was only serving but I frequently was in the section right next to the bar. One day I was busy serving a large group, but the restaurant was mostly empty and a guy behind me at the bar said "you wanna pet my parrot?" my initial reaction was the same as if a stranger had just come up behind me and touched my shoulders but when I turned around... It really was a guy with a parrot on his shoulder. The parrots name was Bobby and yes both me and the bartender pet him 😂
Surprisingly heartwarming. Thanks for that.
An Iranian girl was on holiday with her brother and sister,
the family came in for burgers(we're known for burgers and a good time)
While waiting she got a little tipsy and the beer must have bloated her because while eating the burger she started dirty talking it!
"I'm going to take you upstairs and show you a good time"
"Let's go to bed so I can finish you off"
"Your going to make me feel so good tonight"
She was an absolute treat of person and one my favourite customers.
I was tending bar during an extremely busy happy hour. The place was mobbed and super noisy. Suddenly, a guy sitting at the bar stands up and announces "Ladies and gentlemen of the bar, I represent the Acme meat company and we carry a full line of high quality...". The entire bar goes silent while he continues to do his sales pitch at full volume. For some reason he decided that this was a great time and place to hustle up some business. My manager sprinted over to him and told him knock it off and that kind of thing wasn't allowed in here. So he sat down and resumed drinking.
I had to re-read this twice because I couldn't believe the guy didn't drop his pants.
I was a bartender for about two weeks (filling in for a relative who owned a bar and went on his honeymoon).
I heard a guy talking to a woman about murdering her husband. I called the cops, but these patrons were gone before they showed up. This was before cameras, so I just gave my story and that was it.
Not long after, my uncle calls me saying the cops are looking for me. They interview me about the couple. Apparently, the guy was a hitman for hire and the woman was trying to get some insurance money. She got busted.
It was actually an episode of “Forensic Files” back when that was on TV. I remember watching the episode and they said something like “the couple was overheard discussing the murder in a bar.” I was kind of upset that they didn’t mention me. Lol. I was hoping for, “The awesome bartender overheard them, but couldn’t really tell us much. He also pointed at the male in the photo lineup and asked ‘Is this him?’ as if he was unsure. What a fucking dope.”
Edit 1: I spent half of the day reading the descriptions of every episode that’s streaming on Netflix and watching the ones that seemed relevant. I didn’t figure it out and I’m sorry, but I just don’t know which episode it was. I recorded it on a VHS tape years ago, but don’t know where that is either. I’m moving, so if I come across it, I’ll edit this and let everyone know which one it was.
Edit 2: As I recall, the hitman wasn’t a professional by any means. I think the episode said he was just a local junkie who’d pretty much do anything for his next fix.
“We had to use forensic evidence because the eyewitness was useless.”
St patrick's day, so the bar was crowded. Most people are pretty lively, but one middle aged guy sitting at the bar looks miserable, just staring at his beer in silence for maybe an hour, slowly sipping.
I've already been watching him because he seemed out of place, but I wasn't working that area.
At this point, he's 3/4 of the way done with his beer, and he abruptly stands up, and walks to the back of the bar toward the hallway with the bathrooms and the kitchen. I watch as he walks past the bathrooms, and straight to the back door, labeled "emergency exit only".
With zero hesitation, he pushes through the door. (Luckily not alarmed). At this point I followed after him to see where he was going. As soon as he gets outside, he rips off the flannel shirt he was wearing and tosses it into the dumpster. Turning around in just his white tank top undershirt, he sees me and just says "I was wearing too many shirts".
He walked right back inside, finished his beer just as silently as before, and then left.
A married couple in their fifties arguing how they were going to explain the fact they couldn't pay the remainder of the 3 million euro bill for a Ferris wheel they'd ordered 18 months ago, already put a million deposit on, and who's collection was due at 8am the following morning.
“ Hon, the people are here to repossess the Ferris wheel.”
From a woman to her friend, “I don’t know about you but I just can’t poop in a pink bathroom.”
The first bar I ever worked in was across the road from a hospital. We frequently were visited by police looking for people who had escaped the mental ward (T2 unit) who I had served, non the wiser.
More often than not, we would have people come in with empty coffee cups asking if we would put their loved ones favourite double shot or a half pint in the cup as the person in hospital would more than likely die in the next day or two and wanted one last drink before they did.
Also one dude literally walked in with a drip still in his arm and pulling the metal thing that the bag goes on.
EDIT: forgot to add on my first ever shift working there it was a very quiet morning, only 1 old guy with a walking stick and a limp had come in for a pint of mild. I was just re-cleaning all the tables and noticed his glass was empty and he was walking back towards the door to leave. I figure he'll pass the glass to me as he heads out. So i side step to the door and open it for him and theres a loud CRASH behind me. Im thinking what the f was that?? Turn around and cant see anything immediately so i turn back to the open door im still holding to ask the gent if he saw what it was.
Turns out in that split second i wasnt looking at the old guy while i opened the door for him, he had lobbed the glass at where i was standing, before i side stepped to open the door for him. I look out the glass window in the door and see the old f'er running down the road holding his cane. The glass was thrown high enough that it smashed on the wall right infront of where my head was.
I never opened the door for anyone else after that while i worked there.
Customer speaking to his friend: "Mate I can't believe you couldn't get it up for her. I mean I would have just fucked the bitch soft and use a shoe horn or something."
Me: "That'll be £9."
Hmm, thumbing it in.
One lady got too drunk off cosmos and kept asking her partner if she could peg him. I’ve worked in bars for years, but I’ll never forget the terrified expression on his face when she asked.
I once had to ask a woman to remove her infant from the bar top. She put them on the floor... I really don't miss bartending.
Ugh people bringing in kids.
I worked at the dirtiest punk rock bar imaginable for a bit years ago. We did some trade in food, mostly vegan stuff. One brunch this dude comes in with two young kids, and sits down to order brunch. We tried to warn him away, but he was adamant on staying. He complained when “Fuck the Pain Away” by Peaches came on the jukebox. Like...
“I’m here with my kids! This is inappropriate!”
Yes, it is inappropriate, where do you think you are right now?
Someone was boasting about his
"Very small penis! VERY TINY! LIKE MICRO!"
he proceeds to lower his pants and show it to his friend 🤷♀️
One of the guys at the bar recognized me, somehow.
He said he new my mother, and dropped her name, somehow.
He apparently met her at a BDSM CLUB.
Your mom, at her BDSM club: "So anyway, here are some pictures of my kid, Jestie1. Look at the pictures, slave!"
Man and woman is sitting at the bar. She starts crying and says "I just want us to have something special". The guy looked her dead in the eyes and said "we do have something special, we have sex. We are both married". 10 minutes later they are making out and she's rubbing his dick over his pants. I loved slow Wednesdays.
But were they married to *each other*?
I knew a guy that was an amazing bartender. He’s get random bs drink names all the time and he’d make them perfectly. “Can I get a Sexy Mosquito?” “Sure, what color?” “Pink.” “I can do pink.” Combines random shit, “here you go.” “It’s good!” “Yeah I know! Just like last time!” It was always hilarious.
Asking what color is a NICE touch!
Former bartender here. Best advice I ever received for crazy drink requests was “Make it strong, make it red.”
Odds are they have no idea what the drink is either, and even if the color is completely wrong, few people are going to complain about a strong, tasty cocktail.
Was tending bar at my local pub, loads of old boys used to come in and get properly razzled. One day, I am polishing glasses and they'd been day drinking and it was around 7 pm. I hear this almighty crash and turn around, one of them has fallen off their bar stool. Total silence, then one guy just loudly declares.. "DIDN'T SPILL A DROP". The whole pub erupts with laughter, guy who fell of still stands up, tips his hat, and went home.
Had a customer complain that we ruined their "new $100 pair of pants" by getting bleach on them. We do add bleach to our sanitizer since the beginning of the pandemic, but it's like a 1:1,000 ratio. She continually called and emailed about how she already ordered a new pair and we will reimburse her. She showed up a couple days later with the pants, that she hadn't even washed yet because she "didn't want to make it worse". Our sweet as hell day bartender noticed it was not the usual color of bleached jeans, grabbed a pen, scraped at the spot, and whatever little bit of sauce she had dropped on the pants that day chipped away. She left with the pants and we haven't seen her since. Favorite outcome to a wild situation.
Edit: For clarity; spelling
This will probably get lost and its not something weird I heard but definitely the most impactful.
It was a Bank Holiday shift but I think it was the Sunday, so everyone had partied themselves out over the weekend and the Sunday wasn't quiet but it was quiet enough that you could have a customer on your station all night.
This older guy comes in, as soon as he walks through the door he starts looking round the room, taking pictures and looking like he's being nosey. I think it's a bit odd but I do work in a really cool bar so it's to be expected.
He comes to my station and normal conversation starts "how's your night", "whatve you been up to" "where are you from" etc. We get on to the topic that he's a gambler and a bit of a con man, I'm super into it as I love things like that! Seems pretty legit, he's showing cars he's had, starts having small fun bets with people around - not for money but just for fun and laughs.
We form a good rapport, I've made him a drink that he's never had called a Slagavulin (it's a French martini but replace the vodka with Lagavulin... blasphemous but fucking great). After a while he starts talking in a regretful way, how he's screwed people over, he's wasted his life, been a bit of a dick and a not nice character. I think he's cool, has interesting stories, made my night entertaining and has entertained others around him so I let him know. I don't know about his past but from what I've seen he's an interesting dude and is alright by me.
I remembered him for a while as being one of my favourite and most interesting customers in the 6 years that I had been a bartender and did think how he was getting on as he wasn't from round here.
Fast forward about half a year, he comes in so I greet him and he straight away asks for the drink I made him that night. Sure enough I make it, serve it and shake his hand. He holds onto my hand with both of his and says "I'm so glad you're in tonight, I was really hoping I'd see you!". I thought he was just being nice until I realised he was starting to well up which is when he said something along the lines of:
"You saved my life. That night I came in I was going to end my life. I came in for one drink to work up the courage and you stopped me from doing that. You listened to me and enjoyed it and I'm so thankful. Thankyou. Thankyou. I can't thank you enough. I really mean it. I do."
And that's one if the most impactful moments I've ever had on my life.
TL;DR stopped someone from taking g their own life without knowing, just by talking with them
Edit: Wow I really did not expect many people to see this, im overwhelmed with all the lovely comments, upvotes and awards. You're all wonderful
If you haven't read Going Postal by Terry Pratchett, I'd highly recommend it. Was very close to a guy that conned a lot in college. I identify with this post.
"His toe was in my ass."
*Red Foreman has entered the chat*
Lots of genitalia talk at the one bar I worked at that was more men networking doing business drinks.
The weirdest was these two guys who sat at the bar instead of a table and tried to kick ME out by asking if I can leave the bar area because they want to have a private conversation. How about no, I'm polishing glasses for the evening rush for a convention and I'm not standing in the middle of the fucking room. I said I'll go stand at the far end of my bar and polish there.
Man1: her c**ch has a rank smell. Tried all kinds of creams and stuff. She's going to the doctor.
Man2: that's fine. Reason not to eat it.
Man1: I still fuck it. At least whatever yeast happening there makes it slippery. I just have to shower or smell like rotting fish.
Man2: that's fucking gross dude.
Man1: fuck you dude. I wonder what it is.
I wanted to say it's probably trichomoniasis but also horrified that he was still having sex with her and probably contributing to making it even worse sand causing some BV issues. That poor woman.
That always bothered me on tv shows and movies. Whenever main characters want to have a conversation they ask other people to leave.
Bartending at a strip club, I'd have guys ask me to get them girls every other night.
Like, here's $200, which one of these dancers will fuck me?
None. None, dude.
(Allison totally would, but I'm not telling anyone.)
Too many to count really, most of them involving cocaine, or wanting to perform sexual acts in the car park for cocaine. I do have a wholesome-ish one however.
I was serving one night and two girls came in, both laughing and enjoying their night. Both girls came up to the bar, and as I went to serve them, one of the girls said "he's hot, I fancy him." I laugh and have a joke about it, and serve them.
Anyway, turns out the girl who complimented me is my colleagues sister, and the girl had said to the sister "why didn't you tell me about him?!"
Roll forward a few years, we are now engaged, have a baby together and are saving for a mortgage. Funny how life works really!
This was actually after I had clocked out and sat down at the other side of the bar for my shifty. An older couple I had served earlier had come back (bar was right next to a theater so we'd usually serve the same customers twice on show nights), and got dinner and were talking about what they'd ordered. She says she got the shrimp dish, and that apparently didn't sit well with her husband as he just started UNLOADING on her in a way that had my coworker and I just shocked.
Ordering the camerones el diablo was apparently enough for him to start griping about taking care of their granddaughter because his wife's daughter was hooked on meth, and unable to do so herself. Long story short she says "You know what, why don't you walk back to the AirBnB and I'm going to drive home". He left, she paid, and told us this was their first night out in about a year and she had been thinking of divorcing him and that conversation made her mind up.
Watched a marriage dissolve over dinner pretty much.
Edit: Good God, I just woke up and this one popped off. Thanks to everyone for sharing their own experiences as well as the rewards. Luckily they were an older couple, like late 50s-early 60s so the "children" were also adults, but I too would be way more fucked up if my parents never split. Love you guys
That happened to me one time. Couple had been quietly arguing all night. Husband looks at wife and says, “you know what? I don’t want to be married to you anymore.” And he got up and left. She came back in a couple nights later and left a rather large tip to apologize for all the awkwardness. She felt the need to tell me that he had indeed left her and she was thrilled. She became a regular after that.
Super busy Saturday night. Packed bar and a really great fun crowd. This one guy was hitting on this girl relentlessly all night and she was obviously playing with him. They’re shooting pool and he’s making comments about how bad he wants to fuck her.
I guess she’d had enough, because the next thing I hear is “if you want me so bad, fuck me right now!” This has my complete attention now. I stop what I’m doing behind the bar and am just watching at this point.
He turns her around, lifts up her skirt, pulls out his cock, and is bending her over the pool table... fucking her. I couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe it.
This lasted maybe 15-20 seconds and I’m in shock. By the time I get from behind the bar over there to kick them out, they’re on their way out... leaving together.
Nothing I’ve seen or heard of has topped that one.
Bartending on a slow night like 15 years ago. These 2 guys, one a regular, talking about the past and keeping their voices low. The regular says how he shot some guy on his street in like the 70s and just came back in the house and hid the gun in his recliner. Said when the cops were going door to door asking questions he just said he didn't know or hear anything. I was always hearing crazy shit cuz I just kept to myself unless a customer was looking to talk (and like a previous bartender stated we hear it all... yes we do know all about the drugs). I always wondered if that victim died in that incident, but just a few short years after I overheard that convo the regular died a painful death. Maybe deserved.
I occasionally work as a casino bartender and we will sometimes host the Marine Corps Ball. They get rowdy and have a good time, but it’s at the very end that you start seeing grown men cry. They start talking about their experiences during service with each other. The worst stories I ever overheard were from vets who served during the Vietnam war. It must have been terrible.
My father would not say a word about what happened in Vietnam except for one thing. He was carrying his wounded friend for miles to get him pulled out, except the friend died so he was carrying his dead body and didn't know it.
When he got home he threw every single medal he got away in the trash, including his purple heart and bronze star and the others he got.
Former bartender. There were quite a few regulars I was fond of but there was one in particular that I couldn't let my guard down around. He was off in some way and I immediately didn't trust him.
Slightly older than middle age. He introduces himself and I get his drink, as you do, and after a bit he starts on about his life. Wife left him near a decade ago with two little ones to raise on his own. Must have been rough, I say. Ahh, yeah, but I've worked hard and done right by my kids! Well cheers to that.
Over time I hear him tell the same story the same way to several others, most who had heard it many times before.
One evening he comes in later than usual. Hi howya doin, I say, though I can tell he is in a foul mood. No harm, happens to the best of us. He sits near enough to the well with another gent I didn't see in there much. Other gent seemed to be having lady troubles and shifty regular had all the wrong answers. In a hushed and angry tone he said he took care of his own problem 10 years ago and made sure no one would ever find the bitch.
Well that escalated quickly.
I witnessed a complete relationship between two women over the course of one night. They met early in the night. They were clearly into each other. very flirty. The danced and drank the night way. They started making out and then disappeared for some time. Next time I saw them they were at each other’s throats. No clue what happened but it ended with one saying “I never want to see you again.” Then stormed out of the bar. After that night I never saw either of them again.
They just speedran the entire relationship
30 something girl telling a 50 something dude that she'll blow him for a beer.
Hey, some women do that for free. This entrepreneur was up a beer, so who's the real blower? Er, I mean sucker.
Wait do I take the roofie or does she take the roofie?
FFS. Please tell me you told him to take it.
Two girls were drunk as hell, dancing on an mahogany high table. Really thick beamed and heavy.
The table begins wobbling and one girl leaps off, table topples over - but her friend has her hand clasped around the edge of the table to hold on to it. The table lands with its full weight, including **her** own weight, on top of her hand, clipping the first joints of her index and ring finger clean off.
My colleague acts quickly and picks up the detached index and ring finger and throws them into our ice-machine to preserve them until an ambulance arrives.
Manager proceeds to scold colleague, cause she's now rendered us entirely unable to serve any more drinks for the night and the ice machine now has to be cleaned.
We've had a long night. A shift from 6pm to 7am. Everyone's completely trashed from all the work, music and follow-up cleaning. We wanna go home... Before we head out, we sit down for a beer and a rant about how miserable the previous night was. We finish our beer and we pull aside our drapes covering the front door window and what do we see...
Some poor guy leaning against the window. He's got his shirt off and two or three gnarly puncture wounds on his upper body. (Someone'd jabbed him with a broken bottle).
Someone promptly exclaims "Arh fuck... We're gonna have to clean that up, aren't we?" and we laugh it off
**Seconds** later the police fortunately rolls up to help the poor guy, they tap the (bloodied) window and they beckon us outside - they'll want us to testimony what we've seen and and audible sigh can be heard among all of the remaining bar staff... We're **not** going home yet.
It wasn't until I got home, went to sleep and took shower that I realized just how much of a dick reaction we'd all had to a poor guy getting **stabbed**
Sometimes when you work stupid long shifts in violent cesspools that kind of thing gets a little normalized. You need a sense of humour about it to just cope enough to come into work again. Not saying that this behaviour of getting all stabby is good, just being able to not let it affect you too much is beneficial to your psychological survival.
In my old line of work in hotels you'd see some pretty messed up stuff. I had a room where two guys had fucked a girl to the point where the walls had blood and crap sprayed up the wall. They all left, checked out with a smile. We're looking at the room like " Well, someone had a good night then..." That's one of the tamer things tbh. Still, can't forget that awful smell!
Guy by himself: “Should I make it a double?”
SAME Guy by himself: “Yeah I think you should.”
"Yes you should, other Barry, yes you should"
Ex-bartender, but my first day on my first bartending gig I was making drinks for another customer and a gentleman I had recently served, fell off his bar stool onto the ground. Just the loudest sound the weight of a body falling on the ground. I swung around and it took me a sec to see the guy on the ground. This was a rather decent sized busy local pub and it was during dinner time so people just started freaking out. i ran around the bar to the man and I had my coworker call 911 while I (fyi fully trained in CPR/AED/First Aid for years) tried to see what I could do to help.
It took moments to figure out he was having stroke symptoms and he basically died in my arms. It was absolutely awful way to start a lot of things. It was a shock even more due to how others reacted. No one helped instead we had people dine and dash, people mad that the poor guy collapsed and ruin their dinner (as one couple yelled at me while I'm trying to help this poor guy), just awful stuff. I found out later he was a regular. He literally had only recently come in for a night cap from work which he did frequently, only had a couple sips of his gin and tonic. I'll never forget it.
Used to work in hell (an Applebees) and a man at the bar passed out due to his blood pressure meds mixing with booze.
He cracked his head open on the way down and blood was just everywhere.
So I'm calling 911, a hostess is trying to keep his wife calm, and a server is attending to the gentlemen (basically just applying pressure to his head, he was breathing).
As all this chaos is happening, a lady at a bar table starts yelling at me because they haven't been greeted yet. She said "i know there's a lot going on but that's no reason to give us bad service"
I had no words!! I walked away from her before I lost my job.
You can't fix that level of selfishness.
“I love my wife, I love my kids and i will never leave them...but i will fuck you.”
Too many to count amd I've only been at it like 3.5 years. I've seen *
"We should see other people" convos, awkward tinder meetups, regulars who come in with a different girl ever time, a regular who's WIFE I know, come in w/ someone else. Another regular come in looking looking her husband (who was with someone else earlier that day). I got a couple now that I adore, but she is always wearing a very fancy but obvious submissive collar. I lost count of how many men my dad's age and up will ask me for my number.
My most awkward to this day though was a couple who literally followed me.from one bar to the next when I changed jobs, and then asked me to watch their dog for a sec while they went outside....turns out they were breaking up after 10 years together. I still saw them each after than but never on the same day. Like they decided ahead of time who got me when. It was worse than when my parents were separated lmao
Imagine getting a second family by working, lucky life to live.
Don’t know if this is common but:
Was sitting at a bar with a band. It was noisy and crowded. Some girl comes up next to where I was sitting and tells the bartender “excuse me, but I just saw that guy ( customer) right there put something in that girl’s drink”. I didn’t see the guy she pointed to.
Bartender turns around and said something, I suspect a code word to somebody, and BAM. Immediately all the lights go on, the manager steps on stage, stops the band, and makes the following announcement:
“Attention: We have a report that someone in this room possibly drugged a young ladie’s drink. We request that all women here immediately put down your drink and don’t take another sip. We will replace your drink for free. If you are that young lady, we will notify you when you come to the bar. If anyone is feeling sick or weak please let us know.”
Wow. Lights stayed on. Band remained off. For a long time, maybe an hour. Cheers from the crowd and nobody complained. Don’t know what the guy did because I didn’t know which guy it was.
That place rocks.
Edit: Wow! I’m getting too many upvotes and awards for something somebody else did. I just watched. They
Man if I heard a bar did that, that would be my go to bar forever. Love it.
The craziest was when a man ordered a filet well done and refused to have it butterflied. That's like a 30 minute cook time. He ate it with ketchup.
The second was two older guys celebrating one of them getting out of jail.
Over the course of the night I learned that he was arrested for DUI when he was parked beside train tracks, the other guy asked what he did with the crack rocks that he shoved in his ass (didn't get to hear the answer), and that he was lucky he hadn't been caught hauling the gas cans to his business partners house.
I worked in an open kitchen, a friend came in with a new girl and sat right in front of the line. They're having such a nice time, so happy for them.
About half way through their second bottle of wine, his dates loose fitting shoulder shruggy type shirt falls a liiiiitttle too down and her bare titty is fully out. He doesn't even notice (sitting close on the same side of the booth). It's hilarious but like, oh snap! I get the server to go talk to them and like LET HER KNOW. Pretty awesome.
Same server also saved a man's life after realizing he was choking to death. He left the restaurant cause he was embarrassed he was choking - she followed him and got him as he was collapsing outside. Lil one two heimlich and she popped it out. She is still my very good friend and a total fucking legend.
>He left the restaurant cause he was embarrassed he was choking - she followed him and got him as he was collapsing outside. Lil one two heimlich and she popped it out.
LPT: if you're choking, don't worry about being embarrassed.
That's awesome that the server noticed.
So we used to have this regular that would come in with his wife every Tuesday, and he'd always tip decent, and then he'd come in with his younger hotter neighbor the next day and tip reeeeaaal well. We could always hear him saying crap like "I'll leave my wife for you..." Etc. She was a regular as well and constantly flirting with other guys, and she brought in her own men in on occasion.
I had a regular shit himself once, he was on a bunch of meds and came in to drink, his divorce finalized and he was a mess. He shat his pants, proceeded to pay up, left to change, came back, and wanted to drink again.
We had a guy faint and fall off a high chair... He'd run a marathon and instead of water, he drank beer. Had to call 911 and all that stuff. He was ok.
I've heard some crazy shit too, but it's hard to remember it all.. 🤷
Edit: holy crap guys!!! Never had more than a few votes, Thank you!!!
Edit edit: after reading the comments it reminded me of another time shitty pants guy was at the bar in the afternoon and this lady comes in all dressed up in the beautiful VERY revealing mostly see through green sequin dress. He started to chat her up, paid for her food and drinks and they left together. He showed up about 30 minutes later and I told him I was surprised he came back. He said "yeah...we were driving to her hotel and she told me her fees - I didn't realize she was a prostitute, if I want it that bad I can just use my hand, so I dropped her off at her hotel."
Also note this is at a BJ's restaurant...we don't really get prostitutes.
Oh God you've awoken a repressed memory.
My brother used to own a pub. One of the regulars came in at lunch time as usual, sank a pint and read the paper, as usual. Before leaving, he used the bathroom and was out the door sharply after.
When I went to the bathroom a little later, it appeared as though he was actually entirely made of shit, and had just spontaneously combusted in the cubicle. The entire room was covered. The amount on the ceiling was mind boggling.
He was a very mild mannered man in his 60s that I saw every day. He stopped coming in after that but he lived locally so I still saw him all the time. Looking back he must have smeared it everywhere deliberately. Whether that was a filthy protest or a psychotic break I will never know.
I've had a guy claim to be a former brigadier in the British Army and to have served with various other defense/security organisations in theatres around the world. He claimed to have committed war crimes in multiple countries, including the 'mercy killing' of infants in Serbia, the torture and murder of some alleged rapists in Angola, and (I think, it was pretty hazy at this point) the murder of a New Zealand whistleblower to cover up war crimes in Afghanistan.
He also carried about 5 grand in cash in his wallet and spoke with the most Cockney rasp I've ever heard.
EDIT: I seem to have got some attention so edit to add a couple of things!
I'm aware he was probably full of shit, especially given the more in-depth claims he made:
\-On the first claim, he specifically said that his unit found a bunch of parentless infants and took them to a UN base nearby where he was told the best thing for them would be to put a 9mm round in each one's head.
\-On the second claim, he said that his unit came across a village where a bunch of outlaws had raped some of the local women. He claimed that they tracked the guys down and stitched their mouths, ears, and eyes shut ("see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil," as he said to me).
I also ran into him a couple of weeks ago threatening a bartender because he lost money on the pokies.
That guy had to be bullshitting. He kills whistleblowers but talks openly to strangers? Literally makes no sense unless he was trying to die or something. Don't mean to put a damper on the story because it's interesting, so thanks for sharing, but wow some people will say anything for attention. If he was the type of guy that powerful people would send all over the world, he wouldn't be the type of guy to brag about it.
A guy asked me to drug a girls drink for him...I told him I would do it, took the drugs from him, called the cops and gave the cops the drugs when they got there
Edit: thank you everyone for the awards and up votes, I will be stopping replies though because I worked a 12 hour shift last night and I'm going to sleep. Have a great day everyone!
What did the he and the cops say when they got there?
One day I had a guy that had just won a bunch of money on a horse race, like to the tune of $10,000.00. He was sober on arrival (ish), but kept ordering bottles of red wine (expensive Pinot if I remember right). Anyway, he seemed fine until all of a sudden I was making a drink and I heard him talking to this couple at the bar. (paraphrasing)
Guy: \*starts sobbing\* I'm an alcoholic, nobody loves me, and aside from money I've got nothing. My life is shit, and I just want someone to hold me.
Woman: \*touches his shoulder\* aww, I'm very sorry to hear that... You remind me so much of my son. Maybe you've had enough wine?
Guy: \*face changes to weird Joker smile\* haha! ACTING! you never suspected a thing!
Woman: oh you got me really good there... \*forces a sad but caring face\*
Anyway, guy was shitfaced, we had to have him escorted out shortly after all that. But that convo was one I'll never forget. Dude was full on crying/sobbing for at least 3-5 minutes before pretending it was all an act.
I just started at a new place a month or so ago and have already had a few weird moments. We have one regular who brings in prostitutes multiple times a week. He's cool though and will toss me a $10 or $20 even if I'm not serving him.
My first day on the floor here not training though I had a couple come in. They seemed normal but midway through their meal things felt tense. While doing my rounds of prebussing my tables I walked past and heard the girl say "just because i was dressed like someone else doesn't mean you can call me their name" and the guy replied "thats the whole point of role playing you're acting like someone else". Safe to say I skipped their table when picking up plates. I guess they must've broke up because when I came back out the girl was gone and he had asked me for the check.
Had a guy start snapping his girlfriend's little finger because she made a comment that embarrassed him. He did it whilst looking my coworker in the eye and continuing to chat cheerfully. My coworker didn't notice, but I did and gave the signal to the doorman. That doorman, being 6'6", proceeded to come over and ask the guy to leave. The guy physically resisted and I saw something that forever changed my understanding of how gravity, wooden floorboards and human bodies interact.
The saddest part was the girlfriend following after, even though her little finger was visibly swollen.
Since your question seemed concerned with the auditory, the smothered squeak the girlfriend made, the slap his body made as it bounced (literally bounced) off the floorboards and the way the girlfriend called her abuser's name as she followed after, stand out in memory.
Edit: Where I'm from, if someone were to say 'he snapped his leg' it would mean the person broke their leg. This appears not to be universal though, so I'll clarify, I mean the man was bending her finger at an unnatural angle until it was at the point of breaking.
This is the second finger snapping story in this thread and under similar circumstances.. hope its not the same girl each time :(
My absolute favourite, since it was rather innocent (most things I remember are usually sexist and/or violent):
Two women, early twenties, dressed a bit too posh for this kind of club, just a notch away from being drunk enough to break their heels, ankles and quite possibly necks with each next step, but blonde enough to be admitted by our horny toad of a chief bouncer, stumble/stagger to the bar. Maintaining the majestic grace of two deer, albeit newborn ones taking their first steps, they manage to find two barstools with minimal casualties.
Then they drink. We thought after like the first drink, they'd reach the point where we could cut them off and send them home. Nope. Vodka Lemon after Vodka Lemon, they would not get more drunk, always on the line. Gotta admit I was almost impressed, until one screamed into the other's ear "This place sucks, let's go to *name*, way cooler!" "Yeah, fuck this, I know a bouncer there, we'll get in for free!". They chug their drinks and actually manage something resembling a dignified storming off, before I could mention that club *name* would not charge an entry fee that night anyways.
I was rather certain of this, since that club never charges an entry fee. I was literally working the bar at club *name* this moment. We got a good laugh and it became a running joke amongst stuff after that.
What a great story. I wonder what those people did after getting out of the club since they were planning on travelling to your club... Which was behind them..
bartender here. 18+ years in the business. Nothing shocks me. Like my limit of crazy would be pretty up there. literally last night on my shift, woman with I assumed to be her son/nephew, she had called in food but it wasn't ready(we told her 30 mins to 45, so she shows up in 15 mins). I tell her this and she immediately throws her arms up and demands a COSMO because she is starving and the kid is starving, making her COSMO the kid comes up to the bar and overhearing the woman yell behind him " Go ahead babe! tell em you want it on the rocks!!"
kid orders a chocolate milk on the rocks*(don't do this, don't send your fucking kid up to a bar, it'd not cute, it's for adults, not for little kids to spin around and make a mess of my bar). I make him one. then two, food isn't ready still, woman screams that the kid is now going to throw up because he is so hungry. I cannot make the food come out any faster than it is. as she is saying this her food comes out, she is handed her food quickly and as she is storming out she is screaming "HE THREW UP, HE THREW UP! I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY" then left. there was a nice pile of barf on the table. class act. Normal night.
That woman definitely gave her kid a sip of that cosmo...
"It started off as pussy but now it's love"
I overheard a woman who worked in the ER explaining to her date about a time that she helped a couple who had been having sex, and his dick literally fractured inside her. It’s a real thing, and let me tell you that story was.. rough.
Edit: of course my most upvoted contribution is something about a man’s broken penis
I was a bouncer at a bar, and a very intoxicated surgeon came up to me and told me in intricate detail the spinal surgery that he had done earlier that day.
Used to have a regular who always paid and tipped generously in old 100 dollar bills (the kind that are not in circulation anymore). He talked about living in South Florida in the early 80's and how Stevie Nicks was a personal friend. He said he ran his own company but no one ever really knew what he did. He'd offer jobs to all the youngest and cutest new servers but the other bartenders and I would intervene and tell the poor, unsuspecting girls not to take him up on it. One day he stopped coming in and no one ever saw him again. I just always assumed the DEA finally got him.
Before I became a bartender, I was a bar back so once the lights came up, the bartenders would leave and I’d be left behind with all the left over guests while security came up and had everyone leave so I’ve heard a buncha weird stuff but the one that always stuck out was one night, closing up shop, a “lady of the night” was negotiating terms with a client for a night cap. Now this isn’t rare for our bar just because of locale/clientele but what made this one interesting was the guy kept adding on services and the girl just kept adding on to his tab. At the very end of it all, they had settled on $700 for an hour when his buddy came up and jokingly asked who the girl was. The guy responds, “this is my date for the night” and he turns to his buddy and goes “Ohhh can I watch” half jokingly (at least that’s how it came out to me) and the guy turns to his date and says “How much for him to watch?” Girl quotes him at an extra $300 to watch for the session, $500 if he joins in.
I legit dropped the glass in my hand and had a record scratch moment as I turned around to see how this would all go down. The guy turned to his friend, nodded, and off the 3 Of them went to enjoy the rest of the night.
Now, I’m used to these type of conversations but being fairly new at the time, I was kinda stunned for a moment at everything that had just transpired. The whole time thinking there was no way this dude was gonna bite on these figures. But alcohol and a nice pair of breasts make guys do some dumb shit...
WHEN I bartended 25 years ago had a regular who was a transvestite in his 60s. Very kind. Would come in, order a glass of rose and be content. Had a group other regulars, retired guys that thought they were gods gifts to all women, drink Dewars, brag about their boats and sexual conquests. Only occasionally would they be at the bar at the same time, when they were the group of guys would make snarky comments to themselves about her. One day they were feeling especially pickled and asshole-ish and the comments/“questions” were directly at her and within her space.
I wasn’t really too concerned because I learned through convos with her that she was once a Golden Gloves boxer and if the idiots had paid attention and looked at her hands they’d see they were friggin’ cinderblocks! One got too close and too obnoxious and boom! Clocked him. Straight down. She went back to her rose, he got helped up by the rest of his group. Guys never bothered her again.
I think I gave her another glass of rose on the house
I heard an 80 year old woman confide in her friend that she “did” kill her husband 20 years ago.
People normally come in and pour their life story out to us. I didn’t overhear this because it was in a conversation between a guy at the bar and I. He had been telling me how he had been diagnosed with cancer and it was terminal (he had a lot to drink and I asked if he was ok), then he said he’s just back from doing the one thing he’s wanted to do all his life in having a threesome with two beautiful Asian women that he described in great detail.
When the conversation continued we actually found out that he was one of my friends fathers who I had never met. He made a quick exit.
He died a month later unfortunately, that was 4 years ago. I’ll never tell my friend what happened.
Not a bartender but this is a story from a friend who was in a college town, an expensive/elite college that was mostly privileged pricks.
The bar she worked at was also a restaurant so there were usually families w/ kids there till like 9-10pm. One night a group of college students was there drinking around like 8pm and they literally took out a bag of coke in the middle of the restaurant and were about to do lines OFF THE TABLE so she came over, wiped the blow onto the floor and asked them what the fuck they were doing and kicked them out. Apparently there were actual children around (idk if anyone else noticed besides her) but yeah pretty fuckin bold move on their part hahah but also not surprising, the students were always pulling stunts like that
How did they react to her doing that?
I work in a hotel and we had an under 19s football team staying, it was evening and they’d all had dinner and gone back to their rooms. I was in the bar serving a group of middle aged people when a couple of the women (probably in their 40s) started screaming in excitement. One of the lads from the football team was getting changed and had forgotten to shut his curtains, so you could see in from the bar windows opposite. These women proceeded to get the other two women in the group to run outside with them and they all ran out like kids at fucking Christmas to stand on the lawn and watch this literal teenager get undressed. I told the men still in the bar that they needed to get these women back inside and that most of these lads were minors, they told them and they did not care. I had to call reception and tell them to call the adults with the team to go to all the boys rooms and make them aware to close their windows.
That one really sticks out to me because it was such disgusting behaviour.
God, I’ve been bartending for 10 years from the most divey coke filled bar in Brooklyn to fine dining to neighborhood bars all around NYC and Chicago.
First thing that popped into my head: something I overheard that turned into a BIG OL FIGHT. My buddy and I are bartending on a Friday night. It’s a fairly small place, only 12 bar seats and some booths behind it, against the wall with space in between to stand. We’re fairly full and the night is going well. We’re busy but not rushed or overwhelmed. A group of 10-12 people come in. A group of 4-5 guys are standing at the corner of the bar and some other people in their group are seated at a booth behind them. I overhear that someone they know has recently died and they are coming from whatever memorial service they had for this person. Despite this, they’re acting fairly normal for a group of people at a bar on a Friday night. Nobody is outwardly overly emotional, just a group of friends having a drink and chatting. If I hadn’t overheard, there would be no indication of their situation. Then I overhear *something else*. A guy sitting at the bar (part of the group) mutters SO QUIETLY in a pretty loud bar “yeah, but he was a real piece of shit though.”.Suddenly, one of the guys LAUNCHES himself at him and they go down. Turns out, it’s the deceased’s brother. Fight breaks out so I do my normal routine of turning the music off and the lights all the way up. I yell “Y’ALL GOTTA GO” and my other bartender has already printed their checks. Honestly they were pretty great about it once we pulled the dudes apart (the shock of the lights going on always throws them off). They didn’t fight us on leaving and felt pretty bad about knocking over tables (and drinks onto their girlfriends). A guy at the end of the bar asked me what happened and when I gave him the full story. He was bewildered at how much detail I knew since I had spent the past hour mainly at his end of the bar. We’re always listening, folks.
Also a lot of people talking about drugs. Pro tip- if you’re in a bar with loud music, we can almost always hear you better than you can hear us. Most bars are smart enough to set up their sound systems in a way that their bartenders can hear guests (even if it’s not *super* easy) so you might not be able to hear us say “$12!” but we can hear that Ben has the coke!
Also, even if there isn’t music blaring- even if a bartender doesn’t seem like they’re in earshot or paying attention- most of the time they can hear you and are absolutely paying attention because 85% of the job is basically eavesdropping. We’re listening to hear how your discussion about getting another round is going so we can pop in and say “well, happy hour is starting- can I get you folks another round?” or to overhear if you’re celebrating, etc.
TLDR: we can all hear you discussing who has the drugs, Kyle. And we know who sold em to you, too.
I think my favorites have always been the ones who think they are flying under the radar when they disappear in groups of three and come back rubbing at their noses with pupils the size of saucers.
Couple of gay dudes sitting at my bar one night talking rather low and keeping to themselves but I was cashing out another customer and one of them said while laughing slightly under his breath “I told him to put another finger in and he said he didn’t have any more fingers to put in”. Good ol’ accidental fisting.
Ex Barkeeper here. At my first barkeeping job we only served beer and wine. No booze! One barely 18 year old kid managed to smuggle a bottle of absinth in. He had an argument with his girlfriend, locked himself into the bathroom, and poured down half the bottle of absinth. His girlfriend informed us what was going on and me and my colleague had to break in the door to get to this guy. He was completely unresponsive so we called an ambulance and dragged him outside. It was one of the most busy nights I ever had to work through and we were the only two bartenders there. So while we wait outside with the unresponsive teen, some drunk guy walked out and yells at us: "Leave him be and serve me my fucking beer instead, do your fucking job!" Guy survived by the way.
This guy would come in brag about his girlfriend and her girlfriend and their thruple relationship. He was an overweight white guy in his mid 40s with greasy hair, bad complexion and an abrasive personality. I knew he was full of shit. No way this guy could pull that off.
One day he walks in with two women who, while not stunning, were clearly way out of his league. Three drinks in they start making out, pairing up and passing each other around. It was both gross and fascinating. Like frogs fucking. I couldn't believe the guy was telling the truth.
Not a bartender, but while bussing a table the man at the adjacent booth was arguing with his wife or partner for "cutting the bread wrong" and ordered her to pass him her hand under the table. Heard a loud *crack* and her stifle a cry and saw her finger turn purple and she hid it in her sleeve. Nonchalantly went to tell my manager and then have a panic attack in the bathroom (have a history with abuse)
When I came back out manager was looking disappointedly at an empty booth with some cash left on it. Fucked up stuff
That's terrible :/
not by a bartender and also not me, but my sister once overheard two rather large men sat at the bar, silent for ages until one suddenly turns to the other "why are you so fat?" "*shrugs* cos I eat a lot" then they just went back to drinking in silence.
I miss Norfolk they were clearly best mates lol
Edit: wow I'm not used to getting karma thank you so much, I thought I'd get downvoted or ignored since it wasn't even me lol also thanks for my first ever award! <3
I was working as a supervisor on the bar and over heard these two girls talking to one another saying how they had no idea who the guy behind them was and why he kept asking them super personal questions and following them around the club.
I made sure to serve them next and wrote on their receipt that I heard them and to meet me at the end of the bar and pretend like they know me. They followed me down and had the usual greetings and a friendly hug and made up some bs story to which they went along with.
I pulled them behind the bar and asked them to confirm the guy and surely enough he had followed them down and was giving me a death stare, I asked them if he was harrasing them and they confirmed, by this point a more senior supervisor came down and we walkie talkied a bouncer over to move the guy away but as he saw the bouncer approach he scarpered, the girls said thanks and were super grateful as they said they weren't sure what to do about him and he was freaking them out.
We gave them a free drink each and told them to come back to me if they had any other trouble.
So it was a football match day (I work in a bar close to a football stadium ) and this couple where ordering drinks being normal . The the dude turns to his gf and says “if our team wins 3 nil we get to do anal “ she agrees thinking it won’t happen..... they won 3 nil
1 - I was a bartender, but this night I was *not* bartending, but having drinks at the bar where I worked. I was flirting with a girl, she told me how funny I was, she said I reminded her of her brother, and them immediately asked, "You wanna get out of here?" What the fuck.
2 - I watched a woman seduce a married man. Literally saw him take his ring off, call his wife saying he was staying at his buddies house and left with the woman. Fucking heart breaking.
3 - The owner of the bar called me Sunday morning saying my coworker called in because they were sick, and the owner asked if I could pick up my co-worker's shift. That night said coworker shows up wasted with his friend's, and it turns out he was "sick" so he could go to a Cincinnati Bengals game. [I was so pissed off I literally made a meme about it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/14m58d/this_happened_at_a_bar_i_work_at_i_was_stunned/)
This will probably get lost, but I will never forget it. It was Valentine’s Day, near the end of the night and a couple sat themselves in the dining room. We offer half priced appetizers after 9pm and they came in for them. When I went to greet the table it seemed like either someone died, they were very clearly fighting. I gave them time and bring them some waters to cool them down. They order their food, and I avoided them by all means necessary. A pin drop was the equivalent of an AC/DC concert. As I’m carrying their next rounds of drinks the woman, in pure Hollywood fashion, grabs a drink off my tray and yeet sit into the mans face and stormed off. So the craziest thing I’ve ever heard is... Silence?
3 girls sit down on one side of my bar, all fairly attractive. They start telling stories, I was eavesdropping. one girl says she hooked up with a guy the night before at her place. She says the sex was good, and the guy was nice. The guy gets up, leaves the room, comes back in kisses her forehead, and leaves. The other 2 girls are like oh that's so sweet. She says the next morning she comes out and he had taken a dump on her couch. I'm suddenly riveted by this story, listening as hard as i can. Her friend says what do you mean? She says he took a shit on my couch and then left. I'm trying so hard not to crack up and make it obvious i over heard this. The 2nd girl asks if she is serious, she reiterates that the guy pooped on her couch. The 3rd girl says "yeah i hooked up with him a few weeks ago, he did the same thing to me" I fucking lost it, cracking the fuck up. I asked her"what the fuck you didn't warn her?" I have so many questions! What happened to the couches, who is this mad shitter, and how can he keep hooking up inside the same group of friends!
i wonder if he’a been with the other one by now
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