I hate my rapist.

I have moved on. I’m actively becoming myself, finally, after years of horrendous abuse. My world is changing, every single day, and I am becoming the bright, shining person I was always meant to be. That being said. Given so much as half a chance of doing it without repercussions, I would slowly torture my oldest brother to death. I was 5 when it started. He was in his 20’s. He would deserves every last second of whatever pain I could possibly inflict. You do not need to forgive anyone, anger has a purpose. That fire in your belly? Guide it towards something productive, for *you*. He does not and never will deserve your forgiveness, and you *will* move on, with enough work, and patience. But not forgiveness. Some people don’t deserve it, and to claim otherwise is naive.

I hate the cops for telling me it was my fault. Edit: for the LEO commenting about "not all cops", I didn't come here to debate you. Fuck off.

You do NOT need to forgive him in order to move on. You can hate his guts and still be a happy fuck overall in your life. Fuck rapists, this includes boyfriends and husbands, girlfriends and wives, and anyone else in between. No means no. But so does resisting body behavior, nodding no, looking confused, and not being fully engaged.

My heart aches for the amount of hurt you’ve coped with it. Your feelings are valid and absolutely no matter what, you have worth.

Exactly 👏🏾 when anyone else commits say any other crime; even if it was your SO. If he stole from you or broke your things that'd be taken seriously idk WHY society constantly tells women that they are lesser than objects. "Did he break in to your house?" "Yes but did you let him in?" "Did you make sure to let him know that *he was breaking in* " Ffs the bar is too bloody low for men. No one would ask you to forgive a robber, or aronsist, why is it acceptable to violate a *person's body* Srry for going off; your post ignited the rage in me :D but YOUR consent is absolutely valuable don't let anyone tell you otherwise bab.

Him being your husband at the time does not change what happened. My oldest brother being related to me does not change what happened. My incubator technically being my mother, does not change what happened. It makes it *worse.* So much worse. To be violated in your own home. And to then be told he shouldn’t be punished, because it’s *family*. To not be protected, even after the facts came out. To have people try to force you into keeping your assaulter in your life. To never be safe, not even when you’re asleep. To be hurt so very much, by the ones who were meant to love you the most, the ones who were meant to keep you *from* harm. It makes it *worse*. Never ever forgive the unforgivable. People call anger and hate a rot. It’s not. It’s a flame. And it burns away the rot, the monsters. Let it burn that piece of shit out of your life. Let it burn away all those moronic apologists. They have nothing to add to your life, your happiness. Let it burn a fire in your belly, a fire that allows you to leave behind the unwanted, and to carve out a life where you *matter*. Just don’t let the fire consume you. He’s not worth it.

All my "friends" turned against me when I fled my abusive husband. It hurt like hell at first but then I said "fuck 'em if they want to take his side" and I walked away, stopped trying to contact them. It's been 7 years since then and sometimes the emotions come back but I can revisit them dispassionately because I worked to let go. Be sure your hatred is channeled into a torch which can be mounted on a wall if you want but don't let those flames burn your heart and your self! Funnel those negative emotions into something outside yourself so that when you are done YOU are still whole and filled with light and love again. The best days of your life stretch out ahead of you! No need to keep yourself shackled to the past! <3

I'm sorry for what you went through. I hope you're okay. I hate them too.

I hate how the trauma of rape is amplified by people who say it’s just natural for men to rape and women to be raped and that perpetrators should be forgiven, I mean wtf. They should be given jail time.

Fuck those people who invalidates you. Fuck them for saying it wasn’t so bad. I left my rapist, abusive ex boyfriend. I never told anyone why until one of my “friends” asked me why I left him a year later. I told her he raped me. She told me since I enjoy sex, it’s not rape. Fuck her. If I said No, and he still pinned me down. It’s fucking rape.

You are better than he is. You will always be better than he is. Once you realize your worth, you're unable to allow people who don't recognize your worth into your life. I'm glad you're doing some spiritual house cleaning, and I hope you're getting some psychological/emotional support as well.

It's interesting. Most people believe that it's possible for someone to rob a friend. A best friend, even. Most people believe it when they see stories about people being sentenced and convicted of defrauding, beating, shooting, stabbing and even killing business partners, friends, family members. But so many people have trouble believing it's possible for a man to rape his wife. And that's because we are still plagued with beliefs that women's bodies are property, women's temperaments are hysterical, and that women can't be believed in the most pedestrian of observations. My parents are in their 70s, but my dad still disagrees with my mother about her everyday experiences. I'm over it.

LISTEN you do not need to forgive him or get over it . Absolutely not . Recognize your worth, your potential. Your worth is so much more than your lousy ex husband. Marital rape exists and is so largely overlooked. I suggest you block your husband’s contact, block the people who said to get over it and start afresh. Seek therapy and you dont owe him forgiveness or anything. Know your worth

Fuck him he can rot

Hate can be a useful tool to energise you in the times when you feel tired and low. Hate can give you clarity about what you will and won't tolerate, and the energy to remove such people from your life. Hate can be powerful. Peace will come to you too. I know from experience x

Your hatred is valid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

👏👏👏 I feel this so much. The hate is real, but it sounds like you’ve channeled it correctly. You know your worth and that will never be taken from you again.

It makes you want to fucking cave a face in doesn’t it? Fuck forgiveness that’s for god, we’re having a human experience let yourself feel it.

I hate your rapist. I hate the systems that were meant to protect you and failed. I hate the society that enables him to persist and find friendship after what he’s done. I hate to culture that mistrusts women and diminishes the suffering of women for its own comfort. I hate the lack of robust and sensitive support that you should have had during and after. I hate how hard it is to heal from betrayal and violation. I hate the way a survivor is seen as a victim. I hate how an act of violence can make a person feel small or powerless. I support your anger and your hate and I say *it is valid. It is fair.* I’m sorry. You deserved better. You still deserve better.

I totally advocate cutting out anyone in your life who is still friends with someone who would hurt you in that manner. You don’t have to be neutral. Totally doing the right thing.

I am so very sorry. I hate my daughters rapists with that same vengeance. My emotions towards mine mellowed, but only because of the *white hot rage* i feel towards those assholes that hurt my daughters. I am truly sorry that someone you should have been able to trust and feel safe around violated you. Much love to you.

I really admire yout commitment to use the word "hate" and I 100% believe it should be normalised because the fuck rapists and they should all die slowly. I'm sorry you had to go through it and I hope you never have to again.

I feel you

You know the saying about 10 people sitting at a table with a nazi makes 11 nazis? Think the same applies here but with rapists.

Healing does not require forgiveness

This is the case with my ex/rapist. He got all of our college friends, and it's so annoying seeing how many people I know that are still friends with him. I was also told by my male psychiatrist the day after my rape that it was a "grey area " because he was my boyfriend.

Not the same but my father and I had a very bad falling out over ten years ago regarding his treatment of my mother and sister. We have not spoken since. People insist I should forgive him, you only get one father, don’t you want him at your wedding/when you have kids/whatever? Apparently if I don’t forgive him I’m not *really* over it. Nope. Not interested. If he ever admits what he did was wrong or that he made a mistake I might be willing to listen but I doubt that will ever happen. At this point I usually forget about him entirely unless there’s something specific to remind me, like seeing this post. Forgiveness is earned and not everyone deserves it.

That last paragraph hit me hard. I hope you heal, I empathise with you on a deep level.

Firstly, I want to say that you are an amazingly strong person. And your ex husband deserves all the hatred you are sending him. Also, anybody who sided with him, or tries to downplay what you want through, is scum, pure and utter scum. Secondly, My story. I still hate my rapist 30 years after it began. I hate him with the intensity of one hundred thousand million burning suns, and that is never going away. I was raped almost daily from the age of 5 until I was 8. I'm now 35 and I still hate that man so much. Like I regularly curse him, I have break downs where I will just cry hysterically and repeat over and over how much I hate him. Our rapists deserve every single bit of raw hatred we feel towards them.

HaTe Is A sTrOnG wOrD! I hate anyone who belittles other's feelings by shaming them for holding them.

You don't need to forgive him. In my experience as a survivor, it was ME that I needed to forgive. I felt guilty for staying so long. For not fighting back as hard as I "should have". For not reporting in time. None of this is your fault. Fuck him for hurting you and taking advantage of your trust.

Fuck forgiveness. Hating my enemies propels me. Seeing them sabotage themselves: I love some good Schadenfreude on those who deserve it.

You're so right to hate, hate away, hate hard. Rape is so damaging and having been in your shoes I know. I know the tears, frustration, the anger. Fuck what all the other people think and say, when they undermine you is when you learn what they are, sympathetic to rapists and steeped in misogyny. Pity them, I know I do and I'm clear that they disgust me for dismissing rape as performing a wife's duty or something that could ruin the perps life, that you brought that side out in them for being frigid or neglectfulor their needs. Like they didn't kill a part of you every time they did it? Like we don't have to live with this in our heads. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. Popping up with every trigger be it a poorly judged line in a sitcom, a passing comment by an uneducated colleague or a phrase your perp used to use as simply as "hello sunshine" or being called hun from a person you were getting to trust. I'm glad you're getting therapy, it is the best weapon you can use to defend yourself. To be reassured that what you are saying is valid and correct. Told that yes, they are wrong and a bad person. Told to remind yourself that none of this is your fault. Given the tools to start healing and move forward knowing the warning signs. I unfortunately have to see my perp regularly and make nice for our child. I couldn't nail him for it because of "what happens behind closed doors". I still hate him and what he did, want to scream run at every partner he has. What I want is for you, me, every other person who has had to suffer this horror to learn to thrive in spite of them. Sometimes we need to hate to stop us from hurting.

Don’t be friends with your friend’s/family’s abuser. It’s not that hard, and yeeeeeet! I’m sorry you went through that! I hope you can use their charred relationships as a stepping stone

I recommend "Rage Becomes Her" by Soraya Chemaly Not sure if anyone else suggested it. Blessed Be x

i always say that most of the good i have ever done for myself is out of spite. so even if it is out of spite, be good to yourself, do better for yourself, move on for yourself in spite of your terrible experience. i don’t know him, and yet my hate burns deeply for him as a rapist. everyone who hates rapists and i will help carry this grudge with you. i’m so sorry you had to experience him, and i’m so sorry that he has any support from the people who know what he’s done.

Fuck rapists, their apologists, and anyone who says sexual abusers “need” to be forgiven. If you’re able to press charges, please do so, he deserves to rot in prison. Rape is a life-ruining, unforgivable crime akin to torture with lifelong consequences so fuck anyone for trying to downplay it. You absolutely do not need to forgive anyone to move on or have peace of mind.

The obsession that western culture in general has with allowing terrible people to continue being terrible because of some twisted interpretation of social cohesion is somewhere in the top ten most moronic things we do as a society.

I hear you, dude. Fuck that guy. Also, internet hugs.

HATE HIM WITH ALL YOUR GUTS SIS. I once was told by a psychiatry professor that Hate sometimes means healing. It means you have gained enough confidence and self worth to say HE IS WRONG and IM RIGHT, in a world that’s so mean to women and full of rape culture. It means you love yourself enough to put boundaries, to blame him, you are not redirecting what you’ve been through, and making him accountable. Many people can’t do that, and they blame themselves for others crimes. Whoever pushes forgiveness doesn’t know shit, and can burn. I’m so sorry you had to go through what you’ve been through, I wish all the best for you.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with hating that piece of shit. The problem only comes when you let that hate consume you and prevent you from becoming the healthy, happy person you deserve to be. You can be happy and hate the motherfucker at the same time, but you can also hate him so much that it keeps you from ever being happy again. So hate him by all means, but don't let that dumb fuck keep you miserable, don't let him have anymore power over you.

You have every right to. Fuck everyone who thinks your trauma is less important than his/their feelings.

You are worth everything in the world, and anyone who disagrees has serious issues themselves.

I see you friend.

Is people telling you not to hate your rapist a thing?

He was the person you should have been able to trust the most, and he violated you. Anger, rage, is the appropriate response. Don't let anyone try to take that from you. Those are your emotions about your experience. If they are different or the same 10 years from now, they are still yours, and no one else's. My ex entered me without a condom while I was half asleep. He had become increasingly abusive and controlling. When I pushed him and told him to get off of me, he kissed me. When I started crying he told me he loved me and everything would be okay. He succeeded in getting me pregnant, but failed in permanently tying me to him. There was no way a child of mine was coming into this world with him as a father, no regrets. My address, my number, my email, everything was changed. The friends who encouraged me to give him another chance didn't get my new info or my presence. Fuck that. It's been almost 20 years. I've never forgiven him, but have worked hard to bring joy and love in my life, and am wishing for you to have the same.

Good for you. I struggle to hate mine, my ex boyfriend. I get the same thing from people and I give myself the same excuses. I’m proud of you for not letting people belittle your worth. You are a badass.

1. You are valid and so are your feelings 2. It was not your fault 3. We believe you 4. https://www.ncadv.org, https://www.rainn.org, and https://www.loveisrespect.org

Use that rage and build something wonderful for yourself. He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness and people who stand with him don’t deserve your time. Sending hugs and kisses ❤️

This. No mercy or forgiveness to rapists whoever they are. The society needs to wake up, listen and change. Be the goddess that you are meant to be. Kali...Durga..Medusa.

Fuuck him. Fuck anyone who sympathizes with him.

I like to tell people that it's okay if they can't forgive somebody who hurt them that badly. Especially if your definition of "forgiving" is trying to pretend that nothing ever happened. He owes you for doing that.

No is a complete sentence! I don’t know you but I hate that happened to you. WTF is wrong with people!!!

> My YES is worth something. My NO is worth something. Yes! We say having sex with someone. Not having sex at someone, not on someone, not against someone. *With* someone. And it's only with someone if they want it too. If they don't, it's not sex.

Want I should hex him with limp dick?

As you should, who tf would forgive a piece of shit like that. The only one you should forgive is yourself. I blame myself for everything and even faking forgiveness like thinking "I love myself" over and over again helps

Good on you for not letting yourself be pushed into that. Hope you're taking care of yourself and getting the support you deserve!

I'll never understand how it's easier for some people to side with a rapist instead of the victim

I'm sorry, no other person should have to go through this, I was 4 months pregnant, had a 10 month old, had just moved country's, and was exhausted. I said no, but when he finished I left the bed and curled up in a chair bleeding and crying, he came out and said 'what's wrong with you ' . Like he had done nothing. I stayed 5 more years, got a jar of vaseline so it didn't hurt, but i never said yes again to him. Took a long time but one day I decided he wasn't going to have free rent in my head anymore! You feel what you feel. Nobody can tell you not to. You do you, but don't let it ruin your life or he has won.

I want to individually upvote every single fucking sentence in this post.

i hate the cops for asking my wife what she was wearing.

This. I don't remember what he put me through - I was blacked out drunk the first time he laid hands on me, having had only two drinks but I hadn't taken into account how they'd react with my medications. I told someone what had happened and it was the first time the word "rape" had ever been used regarding my life. I told someone else about it years ago, and how it was pointed out to me that, given I was unable to consent, it was in fact rape, and it took someone ELSE pointing that out for me to realize this. The response: "If it wasn't rape to YOU, then it's not necessarily RAPE." He even told me later on I'd called him by someone else's name. He thought that would make me feel better. It didn't. It just reinforced how out of it I was.

I'm late to the party, so I don't know if you'll see this, OP. I've spent almost a decade working with and advocating for survivors of gender-based violence, primarily rape and sexual assault. One of the things I've learned is that it's okay hold hold a grudge. It's okay to not forgive someone. If that's the best tool you have to motivate yourself to get out of bed every day and move forward, then that's fine. Use it. Forgiveness can be a powerful tool, but it absolutely must be on your terms. Our society looks at it as an expectation, and that's just another thing that's being pressed on you against your consent. You don't owe ANYONE forgiveness until you are ready. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and that includes the people who will try to tell you "they don't deserve it, but it will make you feel better." It probably won't if you do it that way. Forgiveness is about lightening your burden, not the burdens of your abuser. It is 100% legitimate for you to let that anger drive you until you're ready to do something differently. Until YOU'RE ready. Not anyone else.

Im so sorry for what you've experienced. I myself have experienced abuse and rape. I found forgiveness very healing in my journey. That's my journey. Yours is just as valid. I can't imagine pressing someone else to forgive something so awful. Your journey is your own and you walk that path with pride.

Sounds like that hatred is justified!