Posted by u/Post_reviewer_ 14 hours ago
Thank god I was only 13 at the time and not a 30 year old Lurker
18.6k
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Self reflection is important and it's nice to see people recognizing their bad traits so they can do better đ
It's why I like the phrase "some people grow up, and some people grow old."
Self reflection is a critical pillar of maturity that the house of inceldom neglects, much like the rest of their emotional and mental needs.
Some people never grow up.
Yeah I think a lot of teenagers are nice guys or nice girls but it's natural at that age to make cringy mistakes. We just gotta use them to learn to become good adults.
Yeah those kinds of phases are common during preteen/teen years. I remember I was a total "not like other girls" girl back then and I totally cringe at the internalized misogyny. We can't really help what we're taught growing up but we can broaden our horizons and try to unlearn it as we grow up
Thatâs just the thing, most of us has been a niceguy and we realize how cringy and stupid we were. When ever I see a niceguy I try and help him because I was like him.
This hits home as I currently try to get my best friend out of this phase ( he still calls a girl he loved 3 years ago a whore for no reason at all)
I knew for a fact that I was a niceguy when I was 15 - 17 years old. But I thought I outgrew it after that. Then I discovered some old writings of mine from when I was 19 and I realized I kept that shit going for way longer than the age of 17. Yuck.
I feel that honestly. I felt I kept the "nice guy" phase up until I was about 19 or 20, maybe as late as 22 as it pains me to think about. It cringes me to think about how awful I must have looked sharing the cringy things on Facebook. I know I'm still working the rest of that niceguy shit out of my system. Realizing and addressing it, then fixing it is the best thing any of us can do to become the best people we can be.
hey at least youve changed :DDD
I used to say I was ânot like the other girls.â Ugh. Good on you for realizing these misconceptions early!
As you learn better, you do better. Donât be so hard on yourself!
As a Czech I like ur name
Its very good to get off the train and self reflect on your own!
Hahahaha but that's sort of exactly it, these niceguy⢠types are super naive, like you were at 13, and they make assumptions about what a woman actually wants, or they get hurt once and are vengeful for life. Either way glad to see you get out of that mindset!
you learned, you grew, and acknowledged past toxic behavior to emerge as a better person! thatâs awesome, and youâre awesome too!
Thank you :)
At 13 you arent a nice guy, you haven't learned how to interact with the opposite sex. Its very different. Get through puberty, and if you're still treating women like you did at 13 then you're nice guy. I would summarise by saying treat women with respect, and expect nothing in return. That's all it takes to not be a Nice guy.
And that's good advice generally: not just for women you fancy, but also women you don't fancy, older people, men, children etc.!
Oh dude I was a *biiiiig* nice guy in my teenage years and early 20s. When you look back and cringe it means that youâve grown as a person! Proud of you OP. To being better people!!
Thanks :D
Finding this subreddit has been certainly educational for me in some sense, and I've been able to reflect some of the nice guy tendencies in me. I didn't take rejection too well in the past, which led to some awkward situations. I wasn't as awful as many nice guy examples here, but I certainly was kind of clingy type with low self-esteem problems, but luckily things have gotten better since.
Iâll do you one better. In college, I wore a fedora with a t-shirt and jeans, unironically and while sporting a shitty goatee. I also happened to be an atheist. At that time, I didnât know about the ânice guyâ thing and definitely wasnât aware that I was fitting the stereotypical image of one. While I didnât call girls sluts and bitches, I was definitely riding the âwoe is me, girls only date douchebags and friendzone meâ train Ugh.......... Iâm so sorry to anyone that knew me then đ
Luckily most young men realize growing up that it's cringey and grow out of it. I love this sub because I think it definitely accelerates that self-realization the more popular it gets and prevents more teens from falling into the incel hole.
Growth, ladies and gentlemen! A great example of growth!
Hear me out: teenage guys and girls acting like niceguys and nicegirls are developing and they canât do everything perfectly. They just need guidance, and at that age theyâre really prone to insecurity which causes this kind of behavior the most. Usually as they become more mature theyâll know better. Thereâs no need to roast the crap out of them for being children. THE REAL PROBLEM IS NICEGUYS AND NICEGIRLS WHO ARE COMPLETELY ADULTS. Like wtf man
And youâre only 14 and had this big adult self realization!? Thatâs pretty impressive!
The girls I used to annoy with my nice guy(Tm) attitude is now one of my best friends since I learned out of my many mistakes :)
Uhg, I cringe at my high school days. I knew I was a nice guy, but I wasn't attracted to any women, and that was THEIR FAULT. They were all so unattractive to me so I thought there was something wrong with them. Turns out I'm gay. Oops.
Hey OP, Iâm currently dealing with someone who thinks they are a nice guy but they are actually a Nice Guy TM, what made you finally realize you were on the wrong side?
Idk link them this subredditđ. Just kidding, unfortunately i donât know either as I have the same problem with my friend
ME! I didn't realize how much of a "nice guy" I was in high school until one of my female friends spent, like, half an hour chewing me out about it. Cut me to my very core
What behaviors did you notice that made you realize you were a nice guy?
Annoying my crush which made her block me 3 different platforms
We can let the kids get a pass. They are learning after all. They truly don't understand sometimes. A lot of these nice guy TM kids also might get bullied and not have mang friends. Theres a lot of hope for them to turn it around. I know I've said some pretty cringe shit at that age.
Yo Iâm proud that youâve realized your mistakes my man
Feel like I can accept a young teen being this way, becomes annoying when it's a grown man.
Nice guys lack self awareness and empathy. You know who also struggles with those? Children. You werenât a âNice Guyâ you were just a kid, whoâs growing up. Good work OP.
Me in middle and the beginning of high school. Now Iâm in college with a girlfriend after realizing my mistakes, holding myself accountable, and becoming a better person. Oh and great hygiene too, that helps out a lot cause I thought using rubbing alcohol on your face after shaving was good because itâll disinfect your skin....boy was I wrong đ
Nice guys are only cringey because they still act like 13 year olds. Don't feel too bad about yourself <3
Yeah man, many of us (myself included) were like this when we're young, dumb, and figuring things. Only thing to do is reflect on it, learn and teach younger generations how not to act.
It is ok to that type of mistakes as a teenager as long you learn from them.
There is nothing more devastatingly healthy than **Self Awareness.** Like a cut so deep that requires stitches, and for the first time you see the innards of your hand, both disgusted and fascinated. After the wound heals, you'll touch the scar and look at it for a bit and think to yourself, "I won't make that mistake again..." ​ That is growth. Keep growing.
I would guess a lot of the commenters here used to be Niceguys (tm) and look at this sub as a sort of catharsis. Lots of us were awkward as teenagers and didn't really know how to interact with the opposite sex. It's good to have those experiences so you can learn from your mistakes and be a better person going forward.
I definitely gave off nice guy vibes when I was in high-school, thank God I was able to get rid of that toxic personality and grow as a person
Pretty sure I was like this when I was 13 too. It was actually a Buzzfeed article about R/nice guys on Snapchat explore that taught me otherwise when I was like 14 or 15. Basically hammered home that you can and should be as nice as possible to everyone, but that doesnât entitle you to anything from anyone.
Reflecting on your own dumbassery is the best way to grow as a person in my opinion.
I think 14 is the time I broke out of the mindset too. From what I seen, that's seems to be the cutoff between a regular person with a healthy view and these toxic assholes.
There is an old expression âdo not claim morals until you are able to fund temptationâ I think the principle can be applied here to âdonât claim to be a nice guy until you can get womanâ
Yeah I was definitely a ânice guyâ at 13, and to an extent a lot of people are. The important part is growing out of it so you arenât a ânice guyâ at 30. When you get to a certain age I feel like you can look back at yourself when you were 13 and laugh since you donât even consider that to be you anymore. However I feel like Iâm at the age where I recognize myself at 13 and cringe at myself. I feel guilt about how awful I was but I am self aware enough to know going back to people I barely know at this point is selfish. Theyâve moved on but I still feel dumb. Apologizing to them is selfish and only serves to make me feel better, not the people who want nothing to do with me.
Congrats for 1. The self awareness and 2. Realizing early. You're going places.
You're not even a guy when you're 13 dude. It's alright.
Same as a teen as well. Now I'm just a jaded asshole.
Admittedly it's hilarious to see the nice guys stumble upon this sub and have a moment of stupidity and rack up a lot of negative karma.
Bro thank you for your realization đ Now you have to maintain that awareness, otherwise it will creep (pun intended) back into your life without your awareness. This is coming from an ex-nice guy. Best of luck with future women endeavors! Just remember, women are nothing more and nothing less than human beings; treat them as you would anyone and let go of toxic preconceived notions about masculinity and women.
My 13 year old wants a fedora so bad and I just refuse. Mom's gotta draw the line somewhere!
I was once a nice guy myself. My senior year of high school and midway into my 1st year in college. I never went as far as cussing women out in the DMs after getting ignored or rejected or anything like that, but I did find myself thinking, âmaybe today is the day Iâll get laid if I help!â and the classic, âmaybe if I were a dick instead that would work.â I donât remember what led to it, but one day I remember just thinking to myself that being single or a virgin isnât the end of the world. That I was just going to focus on my school work and the gym because I wanted to enjoy being in pictures. And if a girl came along then awesome, if not then thatâs fine too. I wasnât going to try to force anything. Sure enough without really realizing I had started meeting more girls, lost the v card, and the rest was history. Then I remember seeing memes on I funny about Nice Guys and laughed until one day it clicked that that was me at one point. It was a tough pill to swallow but a necessary one. At least now I can help my friends or family members stay off the path of the nice guy if I see that theyâre on it
I live in fear every day that I will come in here and see a post of some Nice Guy doing or saying something that I have done or said.
Better to have the nice guy phase early đ¤ˇââď¸
Haha hopefully now itâll just be another memory that paralyzes you with cringe when you remember it :)
#lurkerlivesmatter
Honestly I feel this, i use to be a little shit in freshman yeah and i ficking regret it so much if i coild go back in time i would love to beat the fuck out of my self for the way i acted and i am so glad that i found this subreddit it has taught me well all the do's and dont's
Thank god I stopped when I was 14.
at least you weren't one of those 13 year olds who spammed the word "Gay" nonstop, (Right?)
Lmao, this might be controversial but there is a time in everyoneâs life where they do all the things they shouldnât do and none of the things they should, and that is totally ok. As long as you grow out of it, which you are doing splendidly.
Funny enough, I was kinda the same way. Before finding this sub, I didn't know about the negative idea of nice guy. And I was a nice guy but not in that way, like i can't be that way towards women because I have a hard enough time getting the confidence to talk to them. But then I found this place, and realized I shouldn't say I'm a nice guy any more, and i started going back on everything ive said to see if I came off that way. Now I stand by the principle that "if you have to say you're a nice guy, chances are you're not"
Hell yeah we love a no bs king!
Same. Just, so embarrassing to think about my younger years... I literally wore a fedora. Un-ironically. Wtf was wrong with me...
Hey man I was almost 19 before I realized that I was the problem. Props to you for figuring it out sooner
Good job. Was in the same situation
Me too buddy. I felt like why do women not look at us and stuff like that although I never shamed anyone or act like an entitled bitch when it didn't work my way. I guess it was because there was this phase in life where I felt extremely lonely and I just wanted companionship and being intimate with someone. That kinda busted my thought process. Well now I don't give a shit about what's up. I've got stuff to do in life and I can't sit around thinking about how the "f-boys get all the women and blah blah" stupid immature stuff.
Tbh, wasnât every 13 year old like that? I mean me too. It was what got taught us through films and shows.
Same here (I might still be one sadly)
Yeah, that is a good thing to post on. When I was in my teens, I took rejection too much to heart because I was too sensitive, and when I say "too much to heart" I don't mean in a lashing out sense, I mean it just made me feel bad about myself for a few weeks and then life would go on as normal. Over time I learned that rejection (IMHO), generally speaking, is just a part of life and one can use it as a form of constructive criticism in order to take notice of flaws and find ways to correct them. Looking back, I am glad that social media wasn't around when I was a kid. It must be a tumultuous experience to have to deal with the often terrible and threatening reactions to rejection (especially within personal situations) with the fallout encompassing many potential life altering ways: when it's on the net, it's on there for good. Ugh.
âIâm 14 and this is deepâ Youâre clearly still projecting some insecurities there bud. Stop virtue signaling and just live fam. R/im14andthisisdeep
Just treat everyone as human beings first and you are set.
I think everyone in someway has had some form of nice guy/girl moment in life LOL as long as that gets I fixed it really quickly and doesnât become a pattern you are good hahahqh
Why you gotta call the 30 year old lurkers out go do your homework.
I've actually thought the same, I think this sub is great for holding up a mirror to some guys.
Glad to see you were able to see the light
Thank you for noticing
Can relate, learned my mistakes and improved myself
Trade mark
Me 5 years ago.
I too was a ânice guy ^(TM)â last year I regret being that way
It was like this but with r/iamveryedgy those were very sad times in my life and Iâm very glad Iâm past it and glad u are as well
Bro same except I realized it at 14. And it's been 4 years.
When I found r/nicegirls I realised that I was a subtle Nice Girl TM back in the day.... oof. Thank fuck for maturity.
Flab that you came out of the darkness and into the not darkness
When i was around 13 to 14 i nearly dipped into nice guy when i was questioning but ultimately came to a different conclution that was less annoying for others but also stupid to have and that was that I too generic of a person and didnt have any good qualities. So i traded a terrible for a less worse but still bad.
I was there too and thinking about it makes me cringe. I was a dumbass and pathetic.
It's good that you realized this.
TM?
trademark
Oh boy, its good you figured it out now. I was 16 when I realised I was a "nice guy." The embarrassment is haunting. To me at least. Remember changing yourself for the better is good.
One of the many reasons I am not looking to date anyone. Dont want to be considered one of them!
If youâre focused on being a good dude because you know being a good dude is the way to be youâre a nice guy, if youâre focused on looking like a good dude cause youâre horny- youâre a nice guy TM
I feel like every man goes through a nice guy phase between 12-18 where theyâre still learning appropriate ways to deal with rejection. Some grow from it and realize their irrational behavior and become mature adults, and the others are stuck in their self pity for the rest of their lives, blaming women for their misery.
Don't let people gaslight you into thinking being a nice guy is bad. We aren't always the super aware of our own intentions types and sometimes intentions switch along the way. Doesn't mean you are bad. It makes you human. Just be clear in communication and accept the consequences. But always always love each other.
I was 22. Better late than never I guess.
\*Screams in existential crisis\*
Yeah same in 10th grade I had reconnected with an old ex if mine and we started talking and then she ghosted me for 2 days only two days And I snapped on her this is exactly what I said something along the lines of âwhy tf would you even text me again if youâre just not gonna respond wtf is wrong with youâ turns out her dad died and instead of owning up to it I blocked her and Iâm too ashamed to unblock her and apologize itâs been almost two years
TM? What does that mean?
Trademark
I hate those quotation marks.
I hope that ridiculing ânice guysâ also leads to men examining why the fuck they need to be defined by their paycheck, job, penis, or partner. Men, like women, have an inherent worth that is beyond those superficial trappings. Love yourself, you are the only you in the universe.
And now you re 14 and this is deep
I used to be like this when I was 16-18 and it was just annoying as fuck. Lots of embarrassing moments.
God I hate memes on this sub. They always move to the top and I don't get to see as many actual "nice" guys.
Tbh yeah... but Iâve always told myself that if I can look back and realize I was a douche then Iâve definitely grown since, I just hope I donât turn into one again...
The important thing is that you learned from it and that's impressive for a 14 year old.
Aw, 13 is ample time to turn your life around. We all need to learn how to be good adults. The point is, you got there. Good on you for that good bit of self-reflection.
Iâve had this realization as well not as bad as some people Iâve seen but still not great
Meeee ooo mmeeee. I have learned sooooo much!!! Ok back to reading.
By my means of equations, I have come to the conclusion that you are indeed.......14 years old. Beat that psychics.
You are forgiven
Im glad you grew out of it. I had an episode in my 16 yr old life where i acted like a real psycho to a boy but Iâve grown so much since then. People who want to change can change
I was kinda the same but I at least didnât say anything really really dumb to a girl or anything.
It's always good to admit your problems and work to fix them! Good work my fellow shitposter! :)
I was 19 or 20 when I stopped being a nice guy, it was rough, I feel ya man.